Catching Up

Summer Fun

Here it is, New Year's Weekend 2016, and I find myself already four or five posts behind my goal for 2015.  I have no excuse for this lack of discipline.  I am lazy and there's no sugarcoating it.

I'm going to backpedal to roughly mid-September to re-cap my Amazing Summer Off, before the Job Hunting Blues set in and ruined everything.

As you may recall, my last day at the Salt Mine was April 30th.  After a few days of luxuriating in the knowledge that I didn't have to be anywhere for the foreseeable future, I began to tackle my long list of projects that had lain dormant for nearly eleven years.

First off, I sorted through several boxes of old files:  bills, bank statements, articles I'd printed that seemed really interesting at the time but not so much anymore.  I went through another huge stash of magazine clippings labeled "Design" from the days when I dreamed of changing careers to become an interior designer.  90% of it ended up in the recycling bin.

The whole culling process took almost the entire month of May.  It was a sobering lesson in the folly of hoarding paper.  An untold number of trees laid waste to indulge my obsessions.  Did I ever go back and re-read any of those articles or use those design ideas to any tangible end?  Nope!  Was that garbage pail-sized pile of rejected paper serving any purpose other than as a colossal fire hazard? Nope!

Take a lesson from me, my friends:  if you ever feel the urge to print out that funny Salon article on annoying co-workers, or to cut out that photo of the perfect kitchen from Country Living, resist it with all your being!  Believe me when I tell you it will sit in a drawer, unappreciated and taking up space, until you stumble across it ten years from now and you'll wonder what the heck you were thinking.  [Same goes, btw, for the bag loads of shoes and clothing that ended up being consigned or donated.]

That major chore out of the way, I moved on to the garden and a few indoor decorating projects. Those were much more fun.

I transformed the area behind the garage from a junk depository into a Provence-inspired patio. Twenty bags of really heavy pea gravel, 36 pieces of edging rock, and a garbage bag full of old car parts later, it was done and I headed forthwith to the Chiropractor.  Upshot:  we can finally sit outside and enjoy the garden without having to run inside when it rains.  Heaven!

Then, I got serious about finding the perfect miniature 'french' chandelier for the guest room (my private hangout space). I've been keeping an eye out for years without luck but hadn't been serious about it.  It took a while, and I was on the verge of despairing that I'd never find anything for my budget of under $100, when I at last came across this one online for only $99 + free shipping. YAY!!!

The upstairs hallway:

Now that three tons of paper have been removed, the Library (aka my Shoe Room) is slowly coming together:

My "Miniatures" gallery:

Many more projects still await, but I figure I've got the rest of my life to get through them all.  Then, should I meet an untimely demise, my sister and niece will get to dismantle them all and divide the spoils and my husband will be glad to be rid of all my 'junk'.

Up next is the ever-daunting Photo Project:  Printing out twelve years of digital photos from the computer and sorting them by year into actual physical photo albums.  Not looking forward to that chore AT ALL.  Let me know if you have a teenager for rent!

News Nostalgia

Remember the days when you could turn on CNN, at any time of the day or night, and get actual news?

I spend a lot of time in front of the TV these days, about four or five hours a day while scanning the job boards.  It reminds me of my days at the University of Iowa when I'd go to the student union or a coffee shop where CNN was always on in the background.  I'd study and keep up with the world at the same time.

My how the world has changed.  We now have about ten news channels with Verizon, and eight of those are crap.  All talking heads with a focus on either business or politics.  CNN is a waste of time if I want to know what's going on outside of Wall Street or the Beltway.

Guess who actually gives us the actual news these days, 24/7?

Al Jazeera.

I hate to sound racist or xenophobic, but seriously:  How is it, in this post-9/11 world, that my only choice for real, hard-hitting global news coverage is from a news organization based in Qatar?  Don't get me wrong - I like and appreciate their work even if they're more heavy on war coverage than I'd like (how about a piece on street vendors in Beijing or something?)  But come on, America!  Why can't we get the same or better from the dozens of news organizations we have right here?  Surely we have the brain power and resources to provide more than what's on offer today.

Oh, but wait!  I should give a shout out to One America News.  If you can stomach the blatant Right Wing Nutbag slant to their content, you can count on getting what Fox News used to deliver before they devolved into a talking head wasteland:  Actual news from around the country, all day every day.

I know I'm a lone voice in the wilderness, but I'm hoping somebody at CNN will stumble across this rant, a light bulb will go off and by some miracle I'll tune into CNN one day and find - gasp! - actual news.

In the meantime, I'll be grudgingly tuned in to Al Jazeera.

Post script:  As soon as I published this post, Al Jazeera aired a piece on a chopstick competition in South Korea, part of a larger cultural festival taking place this week.  Yes!  Love that shit!!  Thank you A.J. America!

Job Hunting Blues

Am I Really That Much of a Loser?

When I left my corporate job in the city I knew I was taking a risk.  Leaving a cushy, well-paying job without having something new lined up is a dive off the deep end. 

It’s been nearly six months since I quit, and about three weeks into a serious job search, with only one real interview to show for it.  I’m starting to get depressed – it’s like knowing that everybody in your high school class has a date to the Prom while you’re sitting home alone, all dressed up but no offers to dance. (And no, I was never invited to Prom, so I know the feeling well).

I have to keep reminding myself that I had very valid reasons for leaving my job, not the least of which was the fact that my boss (The Sadist) more or less told me he was going to fire me the next time I made a mistake.  Humans make mistakes, ergo…  I decided to leave on my own terms with my head held high, thank you very much.

The other reasons for quitting I could have lived with individually, but when combined into the daily soup of misery that was my existence, I just couldn’t deal anymore.  Let us recap, shall we?

1)    The grinding, 2-hours-each-way commute.  Leaving the house at 7 a.m. and getting home at 7:30 or 8:00 at night.  You try it and see how long you last.  I did it for eleven years.

2)    A toxic work environment that had people being thrown under buses right and left, bad behavior being rewarded (please, please vent in the comments section!), and those who were truly trying to do the right thing being punished (promotions and raises withheld, getting yelled at for stupid stuff, etc.)

3)    The soul-killing reality that is Corporate America.  Everybody deals with this crap, and I put up with it too and probably will have to again, but I needed a break after 25 years of Office Bullshit.  The list of said crap is endless, but my personal favorite is Corporate Buzzwords, specifically “Granularity”.  As in, “What is the granularity of our criteria for this project?”  That one makes my stomach churn.  Please share your personal favorites.

I had lunch with an old friend recently.  She survived late-stage cancer and has a newfound perspective on priorities in life.  Luckily I was able to come to the same conclusion without having to stare Death in the face.  Upshot:  you can put up with a lot of pain and suffering in life if you have to in order to survive, but once you have the option of leaving it behind, you’d be a fool not to.  Life, pardon the old saw, is way too short.

That said, I’m now faced with a long, hard slog to find a new job that pays enough to cover the bills, doesn’t require flying to the moon and back every day, and is somewhat mentally stimulating.

So far, apparently, that’s asking a bit too much of the world.

I’ll keep you posted.

Beating the System, One Cuppa Joe At A Time

The Latest Installment of my Ongoing Rant About the Age of Diminishing Returns...

You may recall my recent screed on Facebook about the death of our $60 coffee pot, wunderkind of Chinese ingenuity, consigned to the garbage heap after less than two years of service.

Antennae up, I found this stove-top, non-electric percolator of my dreams a few days ago at a local yard sale for all of $3.

This old battle axe probably last saw active duty during the Korean War, but I have faith that it will outlive me, and will definitely last more than two years in my kitchen.  Made in the USA, thank you very much.

Thank you, Mirro Company, for your contribution to the American Dream.  Unfortunately, the company has since been swallowed up and has disappeared into the vortex of that great American phenomenon:  Offshoring.

At least I am lucky enough to own one of their great products that will last me a lifetime.  Even My Husband, who loves all things new and shiny, has become a fan.

While I’m on a rant, let me also present to you this annoying little gem:

Behold the newest addition to our household shower stall:

My old Daisy Shaver served me well for over 20 years.  I was happy with it, practical and economical, until I found that they no longer made the cartridges. 

Grrrr!!!

Now I am forced to buy this ridiculous contraption and spend a fortune on the replacement blades.

If it weren’t for my own ingrained “ick” threshold (I’m a product of the 80s after all), I would chuck it altogether and revert to 19^th century norms of personal hygiene. But alas, much to MH's relief, I am stuck with this thing for the foreseeable future.

Homesick

Sometimes I Really Miss the Midwest

I flew home to Iowa recently for my 30^th high school reunion.  As always, I came back with mixed feelings.  Especially after the 15-hour ordeal of actually getting there, but that’s a bitch session for another day.

As I was recently telling another friend who moved here from the Midwest, and who also has a love-hate relationship with NYC, I’ve always felt like a fish out of water, here and in Iowa.  There are things to love and hate about both.  But there are some things that I really do miss about ‘home’ to the point of sometimes breaking into tears.

1)            Family and friends.  Yes, it’s easier to keep in touch these days with email and social media, but it’s not the same as being in the same room.  I miss you all.

2)            Being around people who Get It.  I know what they say about people being the same wherever you go, but there’s nothing like going home to Your People.  Not having to explain why you partied in corn fields in high school.  Or why it’s called ‘pop’, not ‘soda’.  Sharing memories of teachers, friends, public figures, and local hangouts without having to provide a long-winded back story.  People who know true winter.  My People have known me longer than my husband has, so in some ways they know me better.  We might not even like each other very much, but we understand each other in a way that New Yorkers will never understand me.  Being a Stranger in a Strange Land is a lonely existence.

3)            Nice People.  East Coast people are weird.  There.  I said it.  Tear into me in the comments section if you want, but that’s my opinion and I’m entitled to it.  Sometimes I just get tired of the arrogance, the chip-on-the-shoulder-iness, the unhelpfulness, and downright rudeness that passes for the social norm out here. (Yes, I know there are nice people everywhere, including New York, but the general tone is one of Whaddyawant!?) Back home, even if they’re faking it, most people are nice to strangers.  It’s only after they get to know you that the claws come out.

4)            Meadowlarks.  I have to be content with the memory of their beautiful songs.

5)            Thunderstorms.  Knowing I might never experience a really awesome Midwest summer storm again brings tears to my eyes.  Please appreciate them.

Lord knows I love New York, otherwise I wouldn’t still be here after 25 

years, but I will always be a Midwesterner at heart.  This is a very general 

Miss List of the place I called home for 24 years.  Please feel free to share 

your Miss List in the comments.

Can We All Please Dispense With Door Games?

Don't Force Me To Say Thank You

This may seem like a minor annoyance in the grand scheme of things, but it’s one of those social dances that sets my teeth on edge and I wish would just go away forever.

It’s a phenomenon that used to drive me nuts on a daily basis while still employed, but occurs evenly across the spectrum of human existence.

Let me present to you a representative scenario with which I am sure you are all too familiar:

Me:  able-bodied, not elderly or physically impaired, approaching the elevator, bodega, department store, or what-have-you; not burdened with any baggage beyond a shoulder bag, approaching at a confident, brisk, even pace.

Door Game Instigator:  Approaches door 20 feet ahead of me, grabs door handle, turns to see if there’s anyone following, and locks eyes with Yours Truly.

Me:  The Game has begun.  Great.  I am now an unwilling Door Game Player.

Door Game Instigator:  Opens door with a flourish-cum-challenge, all impatience and expectation.

Me:  Torn.  Do I rush to the door to relieve this poor soul of their Door Duty and gush my thanks, or do I take my time and let them stew in their self-imposed politesse?  I manage to do both at once.   I pick up my pace and halfway there I call out “That’s okay – I got it!  Thank you!”

Door Game Instigator:  Clearly not relinquishing his/her status as Savior of Able-Bodied Damsel In No Distress, continues to hold the door and revels in my discomfort.

Me:  Thinking to myself, Would you please just let the effing door close so I don’t have to thank you?  I’m perfectly capable of opening the door myself!  Upon finally arriving at the door I say aloud to the DGI “Thanks! You really shouldn’t have.  I’m fine!”

Door Game Instigator:  Clearly irritated that his/her gallantry wasn’t fully appreciated, a begrudging “You’re welcome.”

Game Over.

Sigh.

In case you’re confused, let me break this down for you.  If you’re not confused, let us commiserate:

A)    There’s a place for chivalry, but forcing it on others with the sole intent being a selfish need to be thanked is obnoxious.

B)    By making me run for the door just because you’re holding it for me, for twenty paces and zero necessity, you’re not being chivalrous.  You’re being a self-important asshole.

C)    Take a minute to reflect on this behavior:  why are you holding the door for far longer than necessary given that the person behind you is perfectly capable of performing the task themselves and is practically begging you to stop?

It doesn’t take a PHD in psychology to differentiate between those people who are really just being polite and those who are Door Game Instigators.  It’s the Instigators who piss me off.

I would suggest a rule:

If the person following you is more than three or four paces away, is of sound body and clearly not in any distress, put aside your need to be thanked and let them get the door for themselves.

And while you're at it, please stop blessing me when I sneeze.  My soul didn't go anywhere and you know it.  And no, I'm not going to thank you for it.

You Won The Lottery! Now Back the F*** Off!

Why Are You So Angry?

In a previous post I commented on the sheer numbers of seemingly unemployed (or barely employed) people in my neck of the woods.

As an offshoot of that demographic, I’d like to take a moment if I may to rant about how so many of those people are given to Road (and other) Rage.

To be fair, I give a pass to the obvious offenders:  teenagers, angry rich white men, disenfranchised minorities, etc.  They’ve got their own reasons for being assholes that don’t require much speculation  (hormones, midlife crises, racial injustice, etc.).  I just continue on and try to ignore it.

But what is it with middle-class, obviously unemployed white women?  Why are they so angry?  As far as I can tell, there’s no legitimate excuse.

I try not to lose my cool with these bitches, but it’s hard.

A small sampling would include:  the snarky comments while jockeying shopping carts at the grocery store, shooting dagger-ish looks when I dare to scoot past them at the TJMaxx shoe rack, the barely-veiled impatience while in line at the ATM… the list goes on.

And then there’s the most heinous of all offenses:  daring to only drive 5 mph over the speed limit into the hairpin curve by the local library.  That seems to incite sheer rage.

Why?!

Why the anger over such mundane and insignificant life events that everybody deals with on a daily basis?  Aren’t there more important things to get upset about?

In every one of these situations I want to look them straight in the eye and demand an answer:

YOU WON THE LOTTERY!! 

YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORK!!

WHY THE F#CK ARE YOU SO PISSED OFF AT THE WORLD?!

My husband’s theory is that they’ve realized too late that their existences are essentially meaningless.  The kids are old enough not to need them anymore, their husbands and working friends are out there successfully navigating the corporate world, the same corporate world that has no use for them after fifteen or so years of not working.  They’re essentially reduced to being housekeepers and/or trophy wives with no real purpose in life.

That may be true, but in my book that neither excuses nor fully explains such outright asshole-ish behavior.  Feel free to add your two cents.