Before You Insult Me Please Note...

I’m Nice, Not Stupid

I wrote this essay back in July, before I got the blog up and running.  The answer to the question at the end of the post appeared on Facebook the other day courtesy of my friend KSM (photo credit: Purple Clover https://www.facebook.com/purpleclvr?fref=photo):

Upshot: yes, this is officially a "thing".  As it is now confirmed that many of you already suffer from this affliction, I hope you won't be bored with my latest adventure in being insulted.

July 27, 2015:

I’m not sure why I still get angry when this happens because I’ve been dealing with it all my life.  You’d think I’d be over it by now.

It happens everywhere I go and the phenomenon doesn’t discriminate:  everyone from high-level executives to deli counter clerks has heaped upon me the same treatment.  Which is to assume that because I’m nice and polite, that I’m an idiot who needs to be taught a lesson or can’t manage her affairs without their wisdom and guidance.

Thank you, each and every one. I’m sure I would never have gotten this far in life without such badly needed assistance.

The most recent episode occurred last week at the bank.  I needed to get cash but the ATM was out of service.  So I ventured inside and got in line behind ten other people.

I fished my ATM card out of my purse and scanned the kiosk next to me to see if there was a “Withdrawal” form.  There was.  Sotto voce, I wondered to myself if I really needed to fill out this form or if swiping my ATM card at the teller station would suffice.  I haven't withdrawn cash from the teller in at least ten years, so I'm a little out of touch with the procedure.

A voice piped up from behind me.  A sixty-something woman with a bad dye job launched into a Life Lesson whose theme was: You’ll Never Know If You Don’t Ask!

After a five-minute-long bore fest about her cousin who got the wedding ring that she thought she couldn’t afford (“Because she asked!!”), I cut her off when a customer service representative finally made an appearance to calm the now-irate line of customers which hadn’t moved in 8 minutes.

“Is there anybody on line who just needs to get cash?” She asked, all helpfulness and efficiency.

I raised my hand and asked Dances With Papers* if I needed to fill out the form, and she snatched both the form and my ATM card and said:  “I’ll take care of this for you!!”  As I thought to myself, how does she know how much cash I need?, Dye Job said, “See?!  All you have to do is ask!”

I smiled at her sweetly, turned around, pretended to answer a text, and sighed.  It had happened again.

A full five minutes later DWP handed back my card and the form with a triumphant flourish, but no cash.  “Here!!  I filled in the account number for you!”

And again - a two-fer!!

“I already know my account number,” I said, starting to lose my cool.

“Oh, right.  You think you know it, and then when you see it, it comes back to you.”  Thank you for that cute insight DWP.

“I’ve had this account for 20 years.  I know my account number.  What I want to know is if I need to fill out this form to get cash, or if I can just swipe my card at the teller station,” I responded through clenched teeth.

“Oh, well, yes.  You still need to fill out the form.”  Thank you, Your Worthlessness.  It only took you ten minutes to answer a direct question and make yourself feel important by (not) helping out The Simpleton.

Dye Job gave me a look that said, “Oh, sorry.  You’re not the idiot I’d assumed you were and ‘Asking’ got you nowhere.”  Good thing it was my turn at the teller station because I’d lost all patience.

I don’t see it when I look in the mirror, but there must be a message tattooed on my forehead to the effect of:  Go ahead!  Treat this person like an imbecile!  She’ll love and appreciate it, and she’ll thank you for it.  Really!!

I once naively thought that once I’d reached A Certain Age that this insulting behavior on the part of others would end.

Unfortunately, it hasn’t.

While we’re on the topic, if you’re one of those who think that they are smarter than us Nice Therefore Stupid People, the next time you engage in this type of insulting behavior, just remember that, more than likely, we are onto you.  In addition to unsolicited advice, even more infuriating are the backhanded compliments, thinly veiled insults and condescending / patronizing comments.  Remember that we were most likely raised to be polite and that our lack of retort is not an indication of submission or idiocy.  We’re simply shocked that you would engage in such rude behavior and have been rendered speechless by your insensitivity.

Please feel free to share if you suffer from the same affliction.  Misery loves company.

*Sorry, but I can’t take credit for this gem of a moniker.